Wow .200-.400"???? That is how hundred thousandths is written numerically. Think your friend isn't good at measurement or someone made a mistake in describing the measurement. Now if you said
2 or 4 ten thousandths written .0002" - .0004" that would be very small. .003" (three thousandths) is the thickness of most human hair. .0003" would be 1/10th the thickness of that measurement.
On to the issue you discovered....different over all length of loaded ammo. OAL (overall length) is mentioned in loading books as a length that SAMMI adopted. Nosler's book talks about this seating depth as not set in stone it is simply a reference. Many magazines are longer or shorter and have to have their OAL altered from the suggested one.
As for measuring OAL it is only an approximation of length. Ammo length will vary some because the tips on the bullets are not always the exact same length.
The way handloaders measure the loaded round is from the base of the cartridge to the ogive of the bullet. The ogive is the widest part of the bullet where it meets the taper of the tip. The seating stem inside the seating die is hollow and will generally sit on the ogive or close to it as you seat the bullet. To see if your bullets are all seated the same you will use the caliper and one of several types of tools that sit on the ogive.
One tool that is used with a caliper is a comparator:
SINCLAIR INSERT STYLE BULLET COMPARATOR | Sinclair Intl
video on using a comparator:
Reloading 101: Measuring Cartridges With A Bullet Comparator - YouTube