Okay here goes: sorry if it's too long or too personal. Today marks the 3 year anniversary of my grandfather's death. I'm thankful for the time we get to spend together, it turns out it isn't nearly so long as it feels in the moment. And I'm especially thankful for being able to be there at the end of someone's life, I know that's a wierd thing to say maybe. But there's nothing more humbling and potentially powerful as being able to walk with someone though their very last days on this earth.
At the end of my grandpa's life i visited him in the hospital, it was 3 days before he died, and I was blessed to catch 15 minutes alone in the room with him (he had many visitors normally). He had severe Alzheimer's then and half the time had no idea who anyone was including himself. But, and I fully believe God did this for us, he had a moment of rare clarity, it was him, really him I was talking to. I didn't know what else to say so I read Psalm 23 to him (the Lord is my Shepherd…). After I finished reading "surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever" he squeezed my hand with way more strength than I thought he had left in him. He was crying. I said "you're going to be okay" and he nodded quickly and said "I know" and then we just sat there quietly for awhile until a doctor came into the room. I saw him again after but he was gone again, didn't know who I was, so this was the last real conversation we had and I'm thankful I got to have it. I'm going to hang on this forever.
He is among many in my "cloud of witnesses"
I was a pastor for 8 and a half years here, my church permanently closed December 31 2021 (it was already mostly seniors and COVID was hard on small churches, businesses, etc). I got to walk a fair number of people through their last days. It's both an honour and a weight like nothing else. I've come to love this part of ministry and I've come to love officiating funerals which were my biggest fear when I was 21 and new to this. It's some of the most worthwhile and meaningful work I've found to do under the sun. I'm 30, have almost a decade of pastoral ministry experience now, had 4 kids in 3 years because twins haha, am just about done my masters of divinity - I've experienced a whole lot of life in not a whole lot of time and I'm thankful. It's kicked me half to death at times but I'm so thankful. I've had no shortage of moments where I've wondered how we would make it and in hindsight I believe God has made the path straight and what was impossible with me was possible with Him. And in the season of life I'm in I no longer worry about being able to "prove" anything about God to myself and others…I'm becoming more of a pragmatist, asking not only "is it right/true?" But "is it good". Jesus said you can know a tree by its fruit and in those rare moments where I've had any amount of REAL FAITH and trusted Him, believing that God rewards those who earnestly seek Him, it has never bore anything but the most amazing fruit in and through my life. That says enough for me.
I have a job interview on Monday…at a different church. I didn't think I'd ever pastor again and initially said no to the suggestion…and then had no peace in my heart until i sent in an application. We'll see where this goes. I'm thankful. Thanks to whoever started this, I needed it.
