The dumbest thing you have ever heard

Was visiting a buddy I grew up with that I hadn't seen in several years. He seen his neighbor outside and said he hopes the guy doesn't come over because he was such a dumb a**. Well the guy did come over and starts telling us about the albino turkey he just killed and took to the taxidermist for a full body mount. After a couple of "that's cool" and "neat"s, he said his dad killed one too and they took it to the taxidermist as well. I asked if he was sure they were albino and not some domestic turkeys, to which he insisted they were not. I asked where they killed the albino turkeys and when he described the area 20 minutes up an old 2 lane highway I said "You mean on Turkey Mountain?". I tried to explain to him that it was called Turkey Mountain because there was a large turkey farm up there, and how it was hit by a tornado several years back and hundreds if not thousands of turkeys (the white ones) were blown all over that area. He continued to insist that theirs were albino… my buddy turned out to be right about the guy.
 
I heard a story once, back in the colonial days of a gun so big, the shot was heard around the world.

My favorite idiot story, supposedly true:

Town meeting, and they were discussing reducing speed limit of a road that went through a low area because of all the deer being hit in the curve. There were deer crossing signs up to alert motorists, but collisions were happening very regularly. One of the "intelligent" lets guess Liberal women stood up with the answer.

"Don't reduce the speed limit, move the deer crossing signs down the road about 1/2 a mile to the straight away so motorists can see the deer, as where the deer crossing signs are now is just to dangerous". Yep, she lives among us, has millions more like her and they vote.

Remember a brace on a 9mm pistol turns it into a fully auto 50 caliber machine gun.
 
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A local in town is a 7 STW purist, "because no other gun has as much rise with the bullet"
It's nothing to do with sight-in distance, his bullets rise. To the occasion?

Talking about DST, I've heard of one character that claims " that extra hour of sunlight burns up my tomatoes every year"
A local in town is a 7 STW purist, "because no other gun has as much rise with the bullet"
It's nothing to do with sight-in distance, his bullets rise. To the occasion?

Talking about DST, I've heard of one character that claims " that extra hour of sunlight burns up my tomatoes every year
A local in town is a 7 STW purist, "because no other gun has as much rise with the bullet"
It's nothing to do with sight-in distance, his bullets rise. To the occasion?

Talking about DST, I've heard of one character that claims " that extra hour of sunlight burns up my tomatoes every year"
You forgot one! 'I sight my rifles in a couple inches to the left because I flinch"
 
A guy was telling me about his hunt when I was working the LGS 20 years ago. He said he didn't see much but got off a couple "sound shots". I asked what that was an he explained that he heard a sound in the brush and shot at it...

I've often wondered why so many folks get shot in the woods, this explains it...


The elk one was a running joke where I went to high school, said we hiked so far and so high the deer turned into elk... but we always stopped before they turn into mountain goats.
 
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I used to have to approve about five hundred work orders a month at my job, once a work order was generated it would go through an approval process and up the chain of command before they would land on my desk for my signature. One day I received a work order and after reading it, I looked at the name of the staff member who had originated it, then looking at my directory I found it was the Protestant chaplain. The work order stated "Could you please send someone over to repair the nail holes in the cross"
 
I used to have to approve about five hundred work orders a month at my job, once a work order was generated it would go through an approval process and up the chain of command before they would land on my desk for my signature. One day I received a work order and after reading it, I looked at the name of the staff member who had originated it, then looking at my directory I found it was the Protestant chaplain. The work order stated "Could you please send someone over to repair the nail holes in the cross"

I did not know how to react, my first response was to laugh, then I wanted to be sad or confused, I think you broke the internet. I need a donut, coffee and a sunrise to ponder the depth of his request.
 

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