My Usual

[scope-eye]

---

A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.
I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu.
Shrimp cocktail.
Lobster Patron.
Champagne.

I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?"

"No," she replied, "but my mother's not expecting a **## *#* tonight."

I said, "Would you care for dessert?"

So I heard a knock on my door and standing on the other side is a police officer. He says that there have been complaints that my dogs are chasing people on bicycles. I told him that's impossible as my dogs don't own bicycles.

• Support bacteria – They're the only culture some people have.
  
  
  To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
  
  1. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
  2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
  3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
  4. Sing Along At The Opera.
  5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend
  Their Party Because You have a headache.
  6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
  Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
  7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy,
  We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
  
  And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
  
  8. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
  GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
  
  
• Dean

 

[GrayCreed]

Thanks for posting!

 

[joseph singleton]

---

A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.
I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu.
Shrimp cocktail.
Lobster Patron.
Champagne.

I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?"

"No," she replied, "but my mother's not expecting a **## *#* tonight."

I said, "Would you care for dessert?"

So I heard a knock on my door and standing on the other side is a police officer. He says that there have been complaints that my dogs are chasing people on bicycles. I told him that's impossible as my dogs don't own bicycles.

• Support bacteria – They're the only culture some people have.
  
  
  To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
  
  1. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
  2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
  3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
  4. Sing Along At The Opera.
  5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend
  Their Party Because You have a headache.
  6. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot,
  Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
  7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy,
  We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
  
  And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
  
  8. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
  GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
  
  
• Dean

YOUR a WHOOT,keep them coming,,,,(((- the U in the last word )) figured I'd egg it on....

 

[scope-eye]

Thanks for letting me know, I never know if I should continue or not.

Spanky