Ever stuck your foot in your mouth

Discussion in 'Humor' started by sullijr, Nov 9, 2008.

  1. sullijr

    sullijr Well-Known Member

    Jan 3, 2005
    Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
    >> words
    >> back or that you could crawl into a hole?
    >> Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
    >> FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
    >> three kids
    >> in tow
    >> and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
    >> job?'
    >> I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
    >> My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
    >> SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
    >> of golf
    >> balls. I was unhappy with the women's type
    >> I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was
    >> approached by
    >> one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
    >> He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
    >> and said,
    >> 'I think I like playing with men's balls.'
    >> THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
    >> store that
    >> sold a variety of candy and nuts.
    >> As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
    >> asked if
    >> we needed any help.
    >> I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started
    >> to laugh
    >> hysterically.
    >> The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this
    >> day, my
    >> sister has never let me forget.
    >> FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my
    >> toddler
    >> decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
    >> I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of
    >> disgust and
    >> annoyance from other patrons.
    >> I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would
    >> be
    >> punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and
    >> said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right
    >> now, I
    >> will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
    >> The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even
    >> the tellers
    >> stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
    >> dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
    >> last thing I
    >> heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
    >> FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many
    >> times?
    >> My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
    >> and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
    >> quick
    >> lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
    >> While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
    >> checked my
    >> seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
    >> The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I
    >> asked him if
    >> he needed to go, and he said 'No'. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord,
    >> that child has had an accident, a nd I don't have any clothes with
    >> me.' Then
    >> I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
    >> 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
    >> because the
    >> smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked on! e more time,
    >> 'Danny, did you have an accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked
    >> down his
    >> pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
    >> 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death
    >> on their
    >> tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
    >> An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh
    >> they'd
    >> ever had!
    >> LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan
    >> laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor,
    >> who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What
    >> happens when
    >> you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor who,
    >> the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to
    >> the
    >> weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised
    >> me last
    >> night?'
    >> Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
    >> they were
    >> laughing so hard!
    >> Now, didn't that feel GOOD? and your own don't seem so bad?
    >> Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we
    >> all say
    >> things we don't really mean, so I suppose the lesson is:'Think
    >> before you