Mandatory Retirement Grocery Shopping

Muddyboots

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Feb 7, 2013
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Michigan
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
 

Chadp82

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May 3, 2020
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318
Location
Colorado
Hahaha!

This reminds me (and this really happened)

A couple days after my daughter was born and home, I went to wal mart to get baby supplies. My wife needed to get out of the house so went with me.

At the checkout, the lady said something about it being a lot of baby stuff. My wife said we just had one a few days ago and we’re stocking up a bit. The lady asked (in a sweet voice), “ahhh where’s the baby?” And she looked over the counter to see the cart and looked confused.

I replied, we left her in the car. The lady’s jaw dropped! I then said, we left a window down. 😀. Her look of worry was priceless. At this point my wife’s look was great too, a look of total disappointment in me :)

I then told the lady, she’s at home with her grandma.

As we walked out, my wife said - this is wal mart. She probably believed you. And rolled her eyes. She finally laughed about it when we got home and told her parents. My in-laws found it funny
 
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Southern 62

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May 21, 2022
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175
Location
Georgia
LOL I busted out laughing at #1 and scared my wife. Woke her up as it’s 11:00 pm here. With a wild eye look she asked…. What is it? Told her someone posted a Really Funny post. She said y’all send jokes on it? I thought it was a Long Range Hunting Forum with a puzzled look. I busted out laughing again!!!!

Thanks for the laughs Muddyboots

Jimmy
 

Coyote Shadow Tracker

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Dec 9, 2020
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Social Circle, GA
LOL I busted out laughing at #1 and scared my wife. Woke her up as it’s 11:00 pm here. With a wild eye look she asked…. What is it? Told her someone posted a Really Funny post. She said y’all send jokes on it? I thought it was a Long Range Hunting Forum with a puzzled look. I busted out laughing again!!!!

Thanks for the laughs Muddyboots

Jimmy
How true jokes become!
 

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