gillettehunter
Well-Known Member
>
> The
> flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada as
> intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
> the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is
> prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be
> required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the
> Constitution.
>
> Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to
> see dozens of
> sociology professors, global warming activists,
> and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
>
> "I went
> out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer
> huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
> acreage borders North Dakota . "The producer was cold, exhausted and
> hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
> When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show
> him my screenplay, eh?"
>
> In an
> effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but
> the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush
> Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.
>
> Officials are particularly concerned about
> smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into
> electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left
> to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
>
> "A lot
> of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario
> border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of
> Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,
> though, and some kale chips."
>
> When
> liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
> loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
> circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where
> liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the
> Constitution.
>
> In
> recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
> border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to
> buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young
> vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
> stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como
> and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
> can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become
> very suspicious about their age," an official said.
>
> Canadian citizens have complained that the
> illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up
> all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore
> movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
> economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many
> art-history majors does one country need?"
> The
> flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada as
> intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
> the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is
> prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be
> required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the
> Constitution.
>
> Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to
> see dozens of
> sociology professors, global warming activists,
> and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
>
> "I went
> out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer
> huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
> acreage borders North Dakota . "The producer was cold, exhausted and
> hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
> When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show
> him my screenplay, eh?"
>
> In an
> effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but
> the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush
> Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.
>
> Officials are particularly concerned about
> smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into
> electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left
> to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
>
> "A lot
> of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario
> border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of
> Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,
> though, and some kale chips."
>
> When
> liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
> loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
> circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where
> liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the
> Constitution.
>
> In
> recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
> border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to
> buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young
> vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
> stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como
> and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
> can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become
> very suspicious about their age," an official said.
>
> Canadian citizens have complained that the
> illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up
> all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore
> movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
> economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many
> art-history majors does one country need?"
