Why my wife doesn't take me shopping!

Discussion in 'Humor' started by philny1, Jul 26, 2007.

  1. philny1

    philny1 Well-Known Member

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    698
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    Dec 27, 2006
    Subject: Fw: Why I don't take MY husband shopping!


    >
    > Subject: Why I don't take MY husband shopping!
    >
    >
    > This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
    >
    > After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband
    > accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was
    > like most men -- he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get
    > out .
    >
    > Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women -- she loved to
    > browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local
    > Wal-Mart.
    >
    > Dear Mrs. Fenton,
    >
    > Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
    > in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban
    > both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed
    > below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
    >
    > 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
    > carts when they weren't looking.
    >
    > 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
    > intervals.
    >
    > 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    > women's restroom.
    >
    > 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
    > "Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away."
    >
    > 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
    > layaway.
    >
    > 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
    >
    > 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
    > shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
    > the bedding department.
    >
    > 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
    > and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
    >
    > 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
    > mirror while he picked his nose.
    >
    > 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
    > the clerk where the antidepressants were.
    >
    > 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
    > the "Mission Impossible" theme.
    >
    > 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by
    > using different sizes of funnels.
    >
    > 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
    > yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
    >
    > 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
    > assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
    >
    > And last, but not least,
    > 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
    > then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
    >
    > Regards,
    >
    > Wal-Mart
     
  2. Buffalobob

    Buffalobob Writers Guild

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    Don't you just hate it when there is no toilet paper in the fitting rooms.:eek:
     

  3. blackco

    blackco Well-Known Member

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    Jan 19, 2007
    My wife always told me the clothes taold her to buy them. Maybe #13 is why. Now I know who to blame.
     
  4. jwp475

    jwp475 Well-Known Member

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    Now that man was bored.........Too funny..........[​IMG]
     
  5. Dave King

    Dave King Well-Known Member

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    Many years ago while shopping in a local Penny's my wife headed to the lingerie department (girly underware stuff), being a bit bored I decided to inject some humor... I went to the singles bin (panties in a barrel sort of affair) retrieved the LARGEST pair of white bloomers in there (double gunny sack size) and then holding them unfurled and as high as I could loudly announced "Honey, I found them. They're over here!!"

    She hasn't taken me shopping since that day....
     
  6. royinidaho

    royinidaho Writers Guild

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    Jan 20, 2004
    Went to the Khol's dept. store where my daughter is ass't manager of some sort. Asked the checkout girl (blond) how to find Becky C. I'll call her, she replied. I asked, How? She said page. I stuck out my hand and she handed me the handset.

    I did the Radar O'Rielly blow to ensure it was working and paged "Becky C. meet your party by the farriswheel."

    Talk about a prompt response when she knew her dad was in the store.:rolleyes::rolleyes:
     
  7. Packrat 6

    Packrat 6 Well-Known Member

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    May 1, 2014
    Lots of good responses to this one...Too Funny
     
  8. tinkerer

    tinkerer Well-Known Member

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    Jul 12, 2012
    The best I ever saw was posted over at a UK bike site.

    Husband and wife out for the day.

    Stopped at pub, looked around at selection and left. Did that at 7 more pubs before going back to the first one and buying a pint.

    She does not want to take him shopping any more!

    Larry
    Tinkerer