Puns for educated minds

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Brno308, Jul 11, 2012.

  1. Brno308

    Brno308 Active Member

    Messages:
    28
    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2012
    I log on to this site just about everyday and dilligently read most of the new posts, but contribute very little myself. With all the knowledge contained by the memebers here I actually have very little to add thats new.

    Since I needed a bit of a chuckle this morning I just happen to find these old puns on my laptop, so here's my contribution for today.

    "The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian…

    She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

    I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

    The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    Some cannibals ate a missionary. They got a taste of religion.

    If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

    A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did."



    This a great site, keep up the good works folks.
     
  2. royinidaho

    royinidaho Writers Guild

    Messages:
    8,853
    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2004
    Great post!!!
     

  3. T3-OleMan

    T3-OleMan Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    638
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2009
    A good'un for sure.:)
     
  4. Outlaw6.0

    Outlaw6.0 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,007
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2010
    I got quite a few laughs at that. Thank you

    Now i'm going to steal them :)


    t
     
  5. specweldtom

    specweldtom Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,066
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2004
    You're off to a real good start. The Linoleum Blownapart..........

    Thanks for a good laugh, Tom
     
  6. steelshooter

    steelshooter Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    118
    Joined:
    May 28, 2011
    Two nuns were in a dark room, one said "wheres the candles" the other said "yes it does, doesn't it".