New Direction for the war on terrorists.

Discussion in 'Humor' started by philny1, Jan 17, 2008.

  1. philny1

    philny1 Well-Known Member

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    New Direction for the war on terrorists.

    "Send Prior Service Vets over 60 "

    I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

    They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

    For starters:



    Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.



    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.


    An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.


    Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.




    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

    Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."


    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

    Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

    If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.



    Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can read it.







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  2. BountyHunter

    BountyHunter Writers Guild

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    Send me in Coach, I don't smoke!

    Old age and treachory will always beat youth and enthusism!!

    BH
     

  3. bwaites

    bwaites Well-Known Member

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    I'm in too, and I'm only 45!

    Bill
     
  4. Captn C

    Captn C Well-Known Member

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    I'm 48...

    I'm in, when do we leave?
     
  5. shorty

    shorty Well-Known Member

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    I'm 50,got my own toy's, my cousin and friend's boy was on the 32nd floor of tower 1,say the word. Besides the wife says I should blend right in, baggy clothes,smell like a camel.
     
  6. hawkshaw59

    hawkshaw59 Well-Known Member

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    Works for me.
     
  7. Buffalobob

    Buffalobob Writers Guild

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    I still have my P38.
     
  8. bwaites

    bwaites Well-Known Member

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    Too bad the people in charge don't pay any attention!!

    Bill
     
  9. ColonialBuff

    ColonialBuff Well-Known Member

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    OK, as long as I don't have to pick up dirty cigarette butts again.
     
  10. wolf3006

    wolf3006 Member

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    51 lets go
     
  11. James H

    James H Well-Known Member

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    I think I have a dozen of them if I could just remember where I put them:D
    I assume yur talkin about the best can opener ever made.
    James
     
  12. James Jones

    James Jones Well-Known Member

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    I don't even think they issue P38's anymore , sevral guys that have been through basic had no idea wat it was or how to work it.

    I have been giving some thought to going to Iraq as a "security Contractor" several friends their and all think it would beba good move. Hard to think about with a 3 yr old though.

    I have two cousans in the Marines that started right out of highschool , I would trade places with them any second if I could.
     
  13. Buffalobob

    Buffalobob Writers Guild

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    Well, if they don't have a P38, how do they get the can of ham n eggs open so they can dump the contents out and use the church key on the empty can to make a C4 stove?
     
  14. James Jones

    James Jones Well-Known Member

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    Bob , I don't think that they have anything in cans anymore , its all neat little placstic bags , and chem pouches to heat with.

    If you dropped off a case of old school MREs to some of these guys they starve before they figured out how to get into it.