3 Minute Management Course

Discussion in 'Humor' started by jwp475, Oct 24, 2007.

  1. jwp475

    jwp475 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,595
    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2005
    3-Minute Management Course

    Lesson 1:

    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
    shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
    and runs downstairs.

    When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before
    she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After
    thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front
    of Bob.

    After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

    The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
    to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

    'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

    'Great!' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'


    Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining to credit
    and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
    avoidable exposure


    Lesson 2:

    A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
    gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling
    the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

    The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand.

    But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
    again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

    The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the
    convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

    On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
    said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

    Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss
    a great opportunity


    Lesson 3:

    A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
    when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The
    Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

    'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
    driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

    Puff! She's gone.

    'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on
    the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
    the love of my life.'

    Puff! He's gone.


    'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want
    those two back in the office after lunch.'

    Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say
    Lesson 4

    An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw
    the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

    The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

    So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
    sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

    Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
    very, very high up
    Lesson 5

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the
    top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

    'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
    They're packed with nutrients.'

    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
    strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating
    some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night,
    the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

    He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

    Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
    there
    Lesson 6

    A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze
    and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow
    came by and dropped some dung on him.

    As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
    how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all
    warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

    A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the
    sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly
    dug him out and ate him.

    Moral of the story:
    (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
    (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
    (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


    This ends the 3-minute management course.
     
  2. James Jones

    James Jones Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,854
    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2002
    That was great , I just printed these out and gave a little report at our weekly safety/crew meeting.

    It was a big hit
     

  3. Boss Hoss

    Boss Hoss Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Outstanding and very true!!!