2011 European Threat Alert Levels

Discussion in 'Humor' started by royinidaho, Apr 28, 2011.

  1. royinidaho

    royinidaho Writers Guild

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    Subject: ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE]

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya
    and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
    Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A
    Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in
    1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
    Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
    Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
    warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
    the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
    have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
    years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
    alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
    "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
    that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
    country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
    to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
    "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
    to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
    levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
    they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
    These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
    can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
    to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
    "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The
    barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the
    final escalation level.

    -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person​

     
  2. winmag

    winmag Well-Known Member

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    Dec 23, 2009
    Good post Roy. Made me laugh.
    Hope your doin well.