Navy ???

[Buffalobob]

There is a spy satellite that has run amuck and is threatening to destroy the world. In its normal decision making process which seems to one tater, two tater three tater, four, the Gov't has decided that it is the Navy's turn to make a fool of themselves. The Navy has risen to the challenge and is going to shoot a heat seeking missile at the satellite that is colder than a witches ???. Apparently some fool in the liberal press mentioned to the Navy that the satellite had no motor and no heat source so they have asked Dave King to rework the targeting program.

So when the secretary of defense sobers up and makes it back to work he is supposed to push a button or pick his nose or something and the Navy is going to fire the missile at something. The details are somewhat sketchy at the moment.

Anyway as good patriots we all need to offer helpful advice on this very long shot.

 

[rtv900]

I agree the heat seaking part of it will not work.

My vote is that we use a 300RUM. I have not calculated the hold over yet but I would start with a few miles at least.

 

[Dave King]

I've a fix in the works for the heat seeking part... We wait till it gets close to the atmosphere and begins to heat up a bit, to maybe 82.3 billion degrees (Bill Gates hot) then shoot it! My second plan is to let it fall to earth then do a spot and stalk on it, archery with blunts so as not to puncture anything containing hazardous material. The best but rejected plan was to move the earth further away from the spy satellite but I was informed that it was a SPY satellite and would immediately notice any trickery such as moving the earth out of the line of descent. One fella suggested projecting an image of the earth onto the moon and hoping it would fall for the ruse and land there, that was some fella down near the Potomac (probably drinks the river water).

Best way to ensure a landing in your area is to buy new lawn furniture or have a new roof put on the house... something easily seen as a prime target. I don't believe home owners insurance covers damage from incoming space junk, mine only covers UFO's; but as soon as they damage the house they're no longer UFO's and have become ILO (Identified Landed Objects) and are of course not covered under the space junk clause.

 

[dwm]

I was thinking that a satelite with tanks full of fuel would naturally explode due to the high temps involved with re-entry. No way that fuel is making it to the ground, even without the Navy.

 

[michael A.]

i was thinking maybe we should have shawn or kirby take the shot with one of the Allen mags. we all know that they can shoot WAY better then the navy. gun)

 

[jimbo300]

I say we get two rockets. Strap Hillary to one and Obama to the other and send them up for an intercept. Even if they fail to make contact it's worth a try unless you pencil in the cost of the two rockets.

 

[sniperVLS]

I say we get two rockets. Strap Hillary to one and Obama to the other and send them up for an intercept. Even if they fail to make contact it's worth a try unless you pencil in the cost of the two rockets.

Hahahaha

I also spit some Folgers when I read part of Daves post...

"My second plan is to let it fall to earth then do a spot and stalk on it, archery with blunts so as not to puncture anything containing hazardous material."

Such comedians we have here

 

[James Jones]

We had a couple astronauts here at work a couple weeks ago when this problem first came up. I generaly get to talk to these guys when the show up and tour the facility , this topic came up and their question was why doesen't the next shuttle mission (landed today) do something about it , they new of the trouble before the last launch so they could have made the proper provisions.

Like Dave said its gonna get **** hot as it starts its re-entry but its also gonna be traveling about 15,000-25,000 mph !!! thats gonna make for a little bit of trouble leading it. With all the cool stuff that the government has let us know about some of which can do this job I'm sure that they have something still classified that will do the job effectivley.

the current presidential cantidate selection realy scares me , maybe we should shoot all of them up their and start with a new batch.

 

[Brain]

A very scientific study was recently conducted here on LRH which determined that the majority of participants (69.86%) figured slingshots should be legalized for hunting Brown Bear. Considering the expertise of the regular crowd, I now feel confident in pursuing The Great Brown Bruin, armed with nothing more than some surgical tubing, a forked stick, and a round ball of lead.

Figuring that a satellite does not possess the tenacity and fierce aggressiveness of the Brown Bear, my confidence is at it's peak right now having just dusted off the slingshot I acquired in my grade-school days. Should the satellite spy my quiet neck of the woods as desirable to light upon, I will do us all a favor and let 'er have it. If my deductive reasoning serves me well, the probability of success is high.

It's the least I can do for mankind...wish me luck.

 

[Dave King]

Brain

Quote: ..armed with nothing more than some surgical tubing, a forked stick, and a round ball of lead.


Can't..... use...... lead....., toxic..... to..... carbon... based.... lifeforms.... Try plumbum instead, much less trouble and not generally restricted by name.

P. S. Good Luck! (and remember to take pictures)

 

[BountyHunter]

Yea, but only way that will work is if the satellite is in a "left" orbit.

BH

 

[kgpcr]

Looks like the Navy pulled it off after all. You will notice that the guy in charge was a Marine... Just thought i would point that out.