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Why my wife doesn't take me shopping!

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Unread 07-26-2007, 06:27 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dogpatch, NY
Posts: 698
Why my wife doesn't take me shopping!

Subject: Fw: Why I don't take MY husband shopping!

> Subject: Why I don't take MY husband shopping!
> This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
> After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband
> accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was
> like most men -- he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get
> out .
> Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women -- she loved to
> browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local
> Wal-Mart.
> Dear Mrs. Fenton,
> Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
> in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban
> both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed
> below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
> carts when they weren't looking.
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
> intervals.
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
> women's restroom.
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
> "Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away."
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
> layaway.
> 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
> 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
> shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
> the bedding department.
> 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
> and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
> 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
> mirror while he picked his nose.
> 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
> the clerk where the antidepressants were.
> 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
> the "Mission Impossible" theme.
> 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by
> using different sizes of funnels.
> 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
> yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
> 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
> assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
> And last, but not least,
> 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
> then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
> Regards,
> Wal-Mart
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Unread 07-26-2007, 03:57 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Potomac River
Posts: 5,087
Don't you just hate it when there is no toilet paper in the fitting rooms.:eek:
The Smokin Fur Rifle Club
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Unread 07-26-2007, 04:06 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Great Falls, MT
Posts: 205
My wife always told me the clothes taold her to buy them. Maybe #13 is why. Now I know who to blame.
Genises 27-3: Now therefore take, I pray thee, thy weapons, thy quiver and thy bow, and go out to the field, and take me some venison...
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Unread 07-29-2007, 10:34 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 2,598
Now that man was bored.........Too funny..........
range it,check the wind, dial in correction, aim and only one shot
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Unread 07-30-2007, 06:11 AM
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Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 2,369
Many years ago while shopping in a local Penny's my wife headed to the lingerie department (girly underware stuff), being a bit bored I decided to inject some humor... I went to the singles bin (panties in a barrel sort of affair) retrieved the LARGEST pair of white bloomers in there (double gunny sack size) and then holding them unfurled and as high as I could loudly announced "Honey, I found them. They're over here!!"

She hasn't taken me shopping since that day....
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Unread 07-30-2007, 04:13 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Blackfoot, Idaho
Posts: 8,876
Went to the Khol's dept. store where my daughter is ass't manager of some sort. Asked the checkout girl (blond) how to find Becky C. I'll call her, she replied. I asked, How? She said page. I stuck out my hand and she handed me the handset.

I did the Radar O'Rielly blow to ensure it was working and paged "Becky C. meet your party by the farriswheel."

Talk about a prompt response when she knew her dad was in the store.
I may be the slowest guy on the mountain . . . . but . . . . I'm on the mountain!
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Unread 01-01-2015, 09:21 PM
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 983
Re: Why my wife doesn't take me shopping!

Lots of good responses to this one...Too Funny
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