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Puns for educated minds

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Unread 07-11-2012, 01:37 AM
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: South Africa
Posts: 28
Puns for educated minds

I log on to this site just about everyday and dilligently read most of the new posts, but contribute very little myself. With all the knowledge contained by the memebers here I actually have very little to add thats new.

Since I needed a bit of a chuckle this morning I just happen to find these old puns on my laptop, so here's my contribution for today.

"The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutianů

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

Some cannibals ate a missionary. They got a taste of religion.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did."

This a great site, keep up the good works folks.
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Unread 07-11-2012, 07:57 AM
Platinum Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Blackfoot, Idaho
Posts: 8,876
Re: Puns for educated minds

Great post!!!
I may be the slowest guy on the mountain . . . . but . . . . I'm on the mountain!
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Unread 07-11-2012, 08:07 AM
Gold Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: GSP, SC, USA
Posts: 643
Re: Puns for educated minds

A good'un for sure.
"I'm better when it's breathing" Chris Kyle
NRA Life Member 1970
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Unread 07-12-2012, 02:30 PM
Platinum Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Gillette, WY
Posts: 2,995
Re: Puns for educated minds

I got quite a few laughs at that. Thank you

Now i'm going to steal them

"I, however, view ethics as an individual decision. My ethics are mine - and I won't explain or justify them to anyone else. I seek nobody's approval, just that of my own conscience. "

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Unread 07-12-2012, 08:50 PM
Platinum Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,075
Re: Puns for educated minds

You're off to a real good start. The Linoleum Blownapart..........

Thanks for a good laugh, Tom
Texas State Rifle Association Life Member
NRA Endowment Life Member

A big fast bullet will beat a little fast bullet every time
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Unread 07-13-2012, 12:48 AM
Silver Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Qld Australia
Posts: 118
Re: Puns for educated minds

Two nuns were in a dark room, one said "wheres the candles" the other said "yes it does, doesn't it".
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