A mother-in-law uses her key to her son's house and finds his wife stark naked, lying on the couch. The lights are low, candles burning. The young bride has on the sweetest perfume and seductive music is playing.
"What are you doing?" asks the mother-in-law.
"I'm wearing my love dress."
"Wearing my love dress. I come home, undress, shower, put on my perfume, get the house ready, and wait for my husband to come home. When he comes home and sees me like this, we make love for hours on end."
The older lady likes the sound of this. She hurries home, undresses, showers, puts on her best perfume, gets the house ready and lies down on the couch to wait for her husband.
He opens the door, turns on the lights, sees her lying there.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"Wearing my love dress." she replies.
"Well if you would have turned on the lights you would have seen that it needs ironing."
"If John Wayne was alive today, he would have a patch over both eyes."
Larry the Cable Guy