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History Lesson or Why it is now the way that it is.

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Unread 06-23-2008, 01:32 PM
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History Lesson or Why it is now the way that it is.

> History lesson
> Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
> nomadic
> hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains
> during the
> summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and
> lobster in the
> winter.
> The two most important events in all of history were:
> 1. The invention of beer, and
> 2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
> get beer
> to the men.
> These were the foundation of modern civilization and
> together were
> the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
> distinct
> subgroups:
> 1. Liberals
> 2. Conservatives.
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
> the
> beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
> aluminum can
> were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting
> around
> waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to
> the
> brewery. That's how villages were formed.
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
> B-B-Q at night while they drank beer. This was the
> beginning of
> what is known as the Conservative movement.
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
> learned to
> live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly
> B-B-Q's and
> doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the
> beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal
> men
> eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as
> girlie-men.
> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
> domestication of
> cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the
> concept of
> Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
> that
> conservatives provided.
> Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the
> largest,
> most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals
> are
> symbolized by the ass (Liberals sometimes call this animal
> a
> donkey).
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
> most
> prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw
> fish but
> like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
> standard
> liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note:
> most of
> their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
> Most
> social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
> dreamers in
> Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals
> invented the
> designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make
> the pitcher
> also bat.
> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and
> still
> provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game
> hunters, rodeo
> cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
> medical
> doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes,
> Marines,
> and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives
> who own
> companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a
> living.
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
> producers and decide what to do with the production.
> Liberals
> believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That
> is why
> most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives
> were
> coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was
> tamed and
> created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
> Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
> It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge
> to
> angrily stamp his/her foot in response to the above.
> A Conservative will simply laugh and forward it to every
> liberal
> they know just to piss them off....
> Have A Great Day!!
I may be the slowest guy on the mountain . . . . but . . . . I'm on the mountain!
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