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Ever stuck your foot in your mouth

 
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Old 11-09-2008, 10:24 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 126
Ever stuck your foot in your mouth

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
>> words
>> back or that you could crawl into a hole?
>> Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
>>
>> FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
>> three kids
>> in tow
>> and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
>> job?'
>> I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
>> My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
>>
>> SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
>> of golf
>> balls. I was unhappy with the women's type
>> I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was
>> approached by
>> one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
>> He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
>> and said,
>> 'I think I like playing with men's balls.'
>>
>> THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
>> store that
>> sold a variety of candy and nuts.
>> As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
>> asked if
>> we needed any help.
>> I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started
>> to laugh
>> hysterically.
>> The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this
>> day, my
>> sister has never let me forget.
>>
>> FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my
>> toddler
>> decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
>> I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of
>> disgust and
>> annoyance from other patrons.
>> I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would
>> be
>> punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and
>> said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right
>> now, I
>> will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
>> The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even
>> the tellers
>> stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
>> dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
>> last thing I
>> heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
>>
>>
>> FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many
>> times?
>> My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
>> and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
>> quick
>> lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
>> While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
>> checked my
>> seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
>> The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I
>> asked him if
>> he needed to go, and he said 'No'. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord,
>> that child has had an accident, a nd I don't have any clothes with
>> me.' Then
>> I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
>> 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
>> because the
>> smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked on! e more time,
>> 'Danny, did you have an accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked
>> down his
>> pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
>> 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death
>> on their
>> tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
>> An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh
>> they'd
>> ever had!
>>
>>
>> LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan
>> laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor,
>> who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What
>> happens when
>> you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor who,
>> the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to
>> the
>> weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised
>> me last
>> night?'
>> Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
>> they were
>> laughing so hard!
>>
>> Now, didn't that feel GOOD? and your own don't seem so bad?
>>
>> Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we
>> all say
>> things we don't really mean, so I suppose the lesson is:'Think
>> before you
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