Long Range Hunting Online Magazine


Go Back   Long Range Hunting Online Magazine > Chatting and General Stuff > Humor


Reply

The Beaver Dam

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-02-2007, 04:04 PM
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Potomac River
Posts: 5,057
The Beaver Dam

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan De Vries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. The guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.

Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above-referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood-debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders You to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.


Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative Land and Water Management Division

-------------------------------------------
This is the actual response sent back: **
----------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter, dated 12/17/02, has been handed to me to respond to.


I am the legal landowner but not the contractor at 2088 Dagget,Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the State-unauthorized process of constructing and maintaining two wood-debris dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature's building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to match their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.


As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or,

2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is.. aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, be aware that they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter because they are unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

Thank You,

Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers
__________________
The Smokin Fur Rifle Club
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-02-2007, 05:19 PM
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: west of Little Rock ,Ark.
Posts: 1,271
Re: The Beaver Dam

Thats pretty " dam " funny [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-05-2007, 08:56 PM
Gold Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 507
Re: The Beaver Dam

It is also indeed true.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.asp
James
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-05-2007, 09:51 PM
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Oahu, Hawaii
Posts: 199
Re: The Beaver Dam

Thats gotta be the funniest "DAM" letter ive ever read [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-06-2007, 03:32 AM
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Nevada
Posts: 2,780
Re: The Beaver Dam

Definitely interesting!

Had it been me the owner, with my luck, they would have arrested me and the beavers! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
__________________
-----------------------------

-----------------------------
HEBREWS 13:8
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

Our Lord Jesus said that as it was in the days of Noah and
also as it was in the days of Lot so it shall be in the days...
It's happening again!!! God sent to us His prophet, and His Word
to this generation and we once more are rejecting it as was prophesied!!!

---> As promised, God Sent His Prophet to us!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-07-2007, 03:01 AM
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: england
Posts: 178
Re: The Beaver Dam

oh my god ! that is funny ! I thought we in england had all the know nothings running our government depts It would seem a few escaped , top marks for his reply though very well written, I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when they read that letter:o)I wonder if they followed it up with an apology?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads for: The Beaver Dam
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
New Oldie from Beaver Dam,KY HideyHo Member Introductions 2 05-10-2010 05:43 PM
Beaver Hunting Winchester 69 Varmint Hunting 8 03-22-2009 11:56 AM

Current Poll
Spot & Stalk or Ambush For Western Deer?
MOSTLY - Spot & Stalk - 74.14%
926 Votes
MOSTLY - Ambush - 25.86%
323 Votes
Total Votes: 1,249
You may not vote on this poll.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:34 AM.


Powered by vBulletin ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Management Powered by vBadvanced CMPS
All content ©2010-2014 Long Range Hunting, LLC