So I normally drag my carcass out of bed at 4:50 am and go to the gym for the 5:30 am "spin" (stationary bike) class. I over slept this morning and missed it. Wanting to get more lean I promised myself I'd go to a/any cardio class this evening to make up for it.
So I get back to the gym at 6:45pm and look at the cardio class schedule. I see "Zumba
" starts at 7pm sharp. "Fine" I decide, I'm doing "Zumba
-*whatever that is.*
So I walk in the cardio studio and notice quickly it is getting PACKED OUT out with women of all shapes and sizes, in varying TIGHTNESS of clothing.
The music starts, the door closes. A quick head count determines there's about 52 women...and me! Pretty quickly I figure out it is a cardio dance class! Oh fun!! : \
Shortly after that the instructor woman instructors screams "Squat way low, pretend your -but- is a magic marker and twitch ur hips like your drawing big slow circles on the floor!
I may have creole booty but I got this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Watch -MY JUNK- girls! I sure heard a WHOLE LOT of snickering & giggling.
Redneck can hang ladies: CHECK DIS action! Sweat was pouring off me!
Honky got it! honky got it! honky got it! This aint EVEN right! These people are practicing freestlye sport competiton sex with their clothes on!!
Good gracious sakes alive it was kicking my rear. I think I used muscles God never intended me to use at all, much less -THAT- way!
I mean I was shaking my rear like I was trying to dislodge a frozen ovary and my estrogen levels depended on it!!!
Then she says "" okay!!! Add in a shimmy!!"" Dang I got -NO- shimmy. I mean maybe if I had man boobs I could feel the rythm of the shimmy. But I don't so I just kinda improvised this super hip man gyration thang! Who-whoo!!!!!!!!!
Lawzy day I'm thinking! I'm glad I no longer go to the Baptist church, I get throwed out!
Then, in the heat of the battle, not to be outdone I (literally) yell Look at me! "Imma gurl! Imma gurl! Imma gurl" on that about 3/4 of the class crashed and burned.
So about the time I decide maybe I'm not the worst Zumba student in the world the instructor throws us another curve ball!
Now I'm supposed to shimmy, gyrate, keep up with this butt kickin dance step, draw circles on the floor with my -but- AND turn my whole body in a big circle, while keeping all these little a circles goin!. I'm a 235 pound hunter for crying out loud!!!
I'm looking around for a gurney! Finally the song is over and she says "are we warmed up yet? " WARMED UP'S ASTHMA!! Any body got a defibrillator in their leotard????!!!!
Well I held my own for the hour long class. I kept waiting to knock women down like my butt was a bowling ball and them pins, but there was no foul or injury that I'm aware of.
I have laughed so hard all the way home and I am still now. Man it's good to laugh! I got a lot of pats on the back after class. Pure sympathy I'm thinking. I'm also thinking same time same place next week!/
YouTube - ZUMBA!!!!!