I know there are many of you here that are not happy with the whole wolf thing, and many people are just as upset with Judge Molloy. Not sure how reliable the source is, and pretty sure it is an april fools joke, but it is just too funy not to share.
Judge Molloy Hospitalized Due to Wolves
April 1, 2011
It is now being reported that Judge Donald Molloy, a controversial federal judge whose rulings on gray wolves has angered many people, has been admitted to an undisclosed hospital somewhere in Montana because of wolves.
It appears that sometime yesterday, while visiting friends just south of Missoula, Molloy, while walking up the walkway to his friend’s home, slipped and fell down. Initial reports are that he may have fractured a hip in the fall.
Paramedics were called to the scene and one paramedic who requested to remain nameless said that he was the first to approach the judge laying on his back and in considerable pain but noticed a grayish-brown somewhat sticky substance smeared on the right side of his face. However, Molloy was quickly transported to an undisclosed hospital and is being examined.
A nurse on duty at the time Molloy was brought in told reporters that it appears the judge slipped on dog scat on the walkway and the subsequent fall smeared it on the side of his face. There was also a foreign substance in the judge’s mouth but it is unknown at this time what it is. The nurse claimed the judge was extremely hostile at the notion that he may have slipped and got injured on dog scat and has demanded full testing to determine if the scat was wolf scat.
Caroline Sime, former head wolf biologist for the Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks, was called in to make preliminary identification of the scat. An unknown member of the MFWP commission was overheard saying they called in Sime “because she really knows her shit!”
Molloy is expected to be in the hospital for some time, depending upon the extent of the injuries
to his hip. All court hearings have been indefinitely postponed leaving in doubt the future of a hastily agreed upon compromise settlement on wolf delisting between the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and several environmental groups
suing to keep wolves listed.
Robert T. Fanning, Jr., founder of Friends of the Northern Yellowstone Elk Herd, upon hearing of Molloy’s fate with wolf scat, said he believes this is Molloy’s attempt at putting off his court ruling because no matter how he rules, he will be wrong. Fanning said, “This is what happens when the shit hits the fan.”
It has also been reported that Scott Rockholm, freelance videographer
and producer of the latest film, “Yellowstone is Dead”, is rushing to the scene to get some footage of the actual spot where the scat was found. One rumor being passed around among reporters is that Rockholm called ahead to the hospital and asked that someone take a photo or video of Molloy with scat on his face, claiming it could be worth millions.
Will Graves, author of “Wolves in Russia: Anxiety
Through the Ages” is being rushed to the scene to collect
samples of the scat to determine if it contains the potentially deadly Echinococcus Granulosus tape worm.
Jim Beers, retired U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, has been quoted as saying that, “Although it may be easy to laugh and call it justice, none of this would have happened if the USFWS hadn’t stolen $60 million in sportsman’s excise money to reintroduce wolves.”
Dr. Charles Kay, world renowned wildlife ecologist working from Utah State University
, in a phone
call interview said, “I predicted this would happen 17 years ago. Little did I know it would happen to a federal judge. This ain’t no bullshit!”
Outside the hospital’s main entrance, Montana Senator Max Baucus held a press conference. He told the 12 people in attendance that he would work night and day to make sure no wolf ever relieves himself on private property again. He is proposing new legislation that would prohibit wolf scat on walkways anywhere in Montana.
Doug Smith, head wolf biologist for the Yellowstone National Park was overheard telling another reporter, “People shouldn’t read too much into the fact that a wolf has shat on someone’s sidewalk. Part of the balance of nature is for such occurrences to happen. It’s very natural and besides, the person who owns the sidewalk is encroaching on the wolf’s natural habitat. Because of this event, I will be seeking federal funds
of $2.8 billion to study wolf scat on sidewalks in Yellowstone Park. I believe it will be a 10-year study. That should take me to retirement.”
Doug Honnold, a lawyer
for Earthjustice, had nothing to say but was seen with drool coming from the corners of his mouth and mumbling something about millions and millions in fees.
As I receive further updates on Judge Molloy’s condition, I’ll pass them on.