Top 10 Excuses Allowing You To Hunt Longer
Excuse # 6 Injured yourself.
This is an excuse many of you have had lots of practice with. Remember when you called the boss and in a hoarse, anemic voice, whispered how sick you were and you’d be in as soon as the fever subsided? Only to revive as soon as the phone hung up? Grabbing the golf bag and heading out to the green did indeed make you feel better...
Same routine here. Call home and in a voice reminiscent of a death bed confession, tell her of your harrowing escape from death, when the trail you were walking on gave way and you plummeted several hundred feet down the hillside. Keep it simple, tell her you need to take more Tylenol and you’ll be home as soon as the swelling subsides. Throw in a few groans for good measure. Good for at least 2 additional hunt days.
Excuse # 7 Kidnapped by environmentalists.
Use this excuse if she reads the Enquirer, or has an infatuation with Area 51 and Alien Abductions.
Sound hurried on the phone and describe how you’ve kidnapped by environmental extremists and you are certain you can escape in 2-3 days. Warn her against calling the police as this may agitate your captors and decrease your chances of escape. Tell her you love her and hang up...
Excuse # 8 Freak snow storm...
We’ve all experienced freak storms in our life time. Hunters are no exception, and with Global Warming on the rise who knows what to expect? Drop a few hints prior to leaving the homestead, that bad weather has been predicted in your hunt area. At the appropriate time call and comment on the “whiteout” conditions you are experiencing and how the road crews are unable to plow the roads for several days. Never fail to tell her how cold you are and that the new sleeping bag you purchased from Cabelas is a lifesaver. Create sound effects by using short blowing and whistling sounds to imitate a severe storm in progress. Use the old standby: "You’re breaking up I can barely hear you" between the wind and storm sound effects.
Excuse # 9 Wounded the Big One.....
Everyone likes a success story. In an excited voice call home and describe the monster bull elk you’ve shot and wounded. As an ethical hunter you’ll need to take up the trial in the morning and find the animal before the wolves do. She’ll easily grant you the additional time necessary to chase down your quarry and bring home the bacon. Don’t forget to describe the terrible tracking conditions and rough terrain you are encountering (over windfall and brush so thick you are actually crawling on your hands and knees). You are certain that you’ll find him, he is hit pretty hard, but it may take a few days to pack him out once he’s found. Tell her you need to go as its getting dark and you need to make camp for the night. If you succeed in harvesting an animal with the “extra leave" you have been granted, don’t forget to shoot it twice. A crafty hunter must pay attention to details!
Excuse # 10 Blocked road.
If you are from the big city, you’ll appreciate this one. Hey hon, you won’t believe what has happened. This California hunter with a horse trailer has it jack-knifed in the road, the trailer is hanging over the cliff and the horses are freaking out! There is no way you can get around him, he has the whole road blocked. He is walking out to the highway and plans on hitchhiking into town. Hopefully he can find a tow truck to come out and pull him back on the road. He has asked me to stay with the horses and try to keep them calm. This excuse will pull on her equestrian heart strings and she’ll sympathize with the terrible conditions you are forced to witness. Guaranteed to garner you at least 1-2 days.
Well, there you have it, 10 excuses to grant you more time in the field. Don’t abuse them and don’t use the same excuse twice in a row, she’ll get wise to you and your hunting days will be over. Most importantly, burn this article after reading it, if it falls into the wrong hands you’ll need to take up a new hobby.
Until next time.....
Darrell Holland is a Custom Riflesmith and designer of Advanced Reticle Technology in Leupold, Schmidt & Bender and NIGHTFORCE rifle scopes. Darrell offers an intense 4 day shooting school that is ideal for long range hunters and tactical enthusiasts.
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