This excuse works well in virtually every part of the country, more so in rugged or mountainous terrain. The conversation sounds something like this: "Hey honey, its me. Can you hear me? You are not going to believe what I just witnessed. I was driving out of this steep canyon when the road ahead of me slid down to the creek. If I had been 100 yards further ahead I may have been killed, my heart is still racing from the experience! I talked to the Forest Ranger and he assures me the road crew will have the road fixed in two to three days? The back way out? Yes, I asked about that, the Ranger said it was 90 miles over extremely rough 4 wheel drive roads. I doubt if our 2 wheel drive truck would make it!" Assure her you’ll be fine spending the night in the truck. This excuse will easily grant you 2-3 additional days of hunting, as well as laying the groundwork for a new 4x4 truck come next hunting season.
Excuse # 2 Broken down vehicle.
This excuse requires a little malice aforethought. While traveling to your hunting destination call home and complain about the truck not running quite right. Assure the little woman that is probably the fuel and not to worry. In order to gain the maximum amount of days from this excuse, plan on being home on Saturday. Call late Friday night and explain that a fellow hunter has towed you into town and the mechanic claims the “electronic spark advance modulator” has failed. It will be Monday before he can order a new one and by all likelihood you’ll be home by the end of the week. The good news, the mechanic remembers receiving a recall flyer for this particular problem and the parts are supplied free from the factory. There is a modest installation charge however. She’ll be relieved you are safe and the electronic spark advance modulator won’t overdraw the checking account. Good for 4-5 days of additional hunting.
Excuse # 3 Missing hunter.
Every year hunters get lost in the woods. This year is no exception!
Once you’ve found the bedding grounds for the “Old Mossy Horned Buck” you’ll need an extra few days to plot his demise. Here’s how to gain those badly needed couple of days.
Call home and explain to her that a young hunter has been reported missing and you’ve been asked by Search & Rescue to stay a few extra days to help in the search for the missing boy. The terrain is very rough and they need all the able bodied men they can find. This will appeal to her maternal instincts and cement her vision of you as a hero. Warning! Do not use this excuse if you are out of shape and cannot see your feet when you are standing. She won’t buy the able bodied man routine!
Excuse #4 Sick hunting partner.
Again a little forethought is in order. Call home on the second day of the hunt and describe the wonderful hunting partner you’ve met at the service station while getting gas. He’s invited you to hunt with him on some private ground his uncle owns. Assure her he’s not a serial killer out on parole (no, his name is not Corona or Berkowitz) and you’ll be fine in his company. Towards the end of your “allotted time” call home and tell her your hunting partner has fallen extremely ill (possible food poisoning, or better yet giardia) and you’ll need a few extra days to make sure he is well and fit enough to travel home. This is an easy 2 day excuse.
Excuse # 5 TSA road block
The Travel Security Administration is an easy excuse. Those burley, bullet head shaped authoritarians can ruin anyone’s return trip. Tell the “Misses” you’ve been detained at a road block and because you have firearms and ammunition in your possession, you are being detained for further questioning. Sound agitated, (who wouldn’t be) at your dilemma and fake the cell phone being taken away by a TSA ogre. Hey, Hey... Give me back my phone you brute, then hang up. You’ve gotta love modern technology!!!! Add 1-2 days to your hunt.